Ryou's Rant
by Lily Angel of Chaos
Summary: Just Ryou having a little rant about his life and screen time. And the fans. I seriously mean no offense to anyone by writing this, it is purely for my own amusement.


I'm Bakura. Ryou Bakura, that is. The nice one who doesn't get any screen time, and for some reason has a British accent in the dub. And that's what I'm here to talk about. Screen time.

To be honest, I probably had more screen time in Season Zero than in the other five seasons put together. Season one I have to wear a dress, no, TWO dresses, and for the fangirls out there I AM A GUY. I don't secretly cross-dress in private. That's Malik...although he does it in public.

Season two...that's mostly my yami pretending to be me. Which no-one noticed. Obviously. Because apparently bunny ears aren't noticeable. I'll get onto the subject of my yami later. The only part of season two where I actually appear, I either injured and leaned on Namu...sorry, MALIK, or lying in a hospital bed...and even that's only for around a second.

Season three...I'm either dead or in the Shadow Realm, depending which version you watch. I'm there because my yami was an idiot and apparently can't read Ancient Egyptian even though he IS Ancient Egyptian. Oh yeah, he also lost the shadow game to another split personality. Ironic, neh?

Season four...both me and Malik drop off the face of the Earth, along with the Millennium Ring.

Season five I run into a church screaming my head off. Then at the end when they've all won...I hungry. That's right. Hungry. The writers clearly couldn't think of anything more intelligent for me to say, so that was it. Not even:

"My face hurts because my dearest yami decided to let me collapse on THE FREAKING STAIRs!"  
Oh no. "I'm hungry."

And of course, in the very final episode, guess who I dance with? Grandpa. That's it. Then, the very final scene(I don't believe it was even in the 4kids version), but Yugi runs up to his friends and talks about beginning a new life...and I'm not even there! Seriously, my only role is to be a host for my yami and look cute. And in Season Zero have random girls fall at my feet, but that's neither here nor there.

Moving on to the next topic. My yami. Oh, I could rant for hours about him. Do you know how painful it is to have the only part of your consciousness stabbed through a tower spike? And in the manga, I actually DIED because of him. No-one ever seems to remember this, though.

However, despite the fact that he's annoying, obnoxious, ego-centric and a complete bastard, he doesn't abuse me. You heard me: HE DOESN'T ABUSE ME. So fanfic writers, it doesn't work. He isn't stupid enough to damage me too much...after all, that would be a little like damaging a house when under house arrest. Wait, did I just compare myself to a house? MOVING ON.

He also doesn't rape me. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't because we share a body. Even HE'S not narcissistic enough to do THAT!

Also, I AM NOT A MASOCHIST! Nor would I fall in love with my abuser. I'd get the hell out of there. Despite what many people think, I barely even know my yami...I've never seen him, and hardly talked to him at all. Plus I have a backbone...why do you think I keep standing up to my yami even when it's completely hopeless?

There's also no way he'd fall for me. Firstly, I'm pretty sure he's straight. That's why he loves Malik. Wait...isn't Malik a guy? Or at least, that's what he claims. I'm not so sure...MOVING ONE.

Also, it was probably condemned for men to have sex with each other in Ancient Egypt. And also, the reason he looks like a cat is because Egyptians worship cats. Don't tell him I said that. *giggle*

And on the subject of Ancient Egypt, we can also turn to the fact of Thief King Bakura, or "Akefia" as I believe he's known as in the fandom. No-one's entirely sure about the connection between all of us, as my yami claims to be both Akefia and Zork at different points, and no-one's sure what I am. Some say I'm Akefia, my yami is Zork. Others say I'm the nice half, he's the evil half with Zork.

The only problem is, that would make me only half a soul...and that wouldn't really work. After all, how can someone live with only half a soul?

Also, Akefia, in the dub, has a British accent. WTF? He's Ancient Egyptian. Not British. Get the facts right.

Now I move on to a little personal subject. Shippings. Tendershipping, Gemshipping, Angstshipping, Deathshipping, to name just a few. What the hell?

I am not gay. I should get a T-shirt saying that, just to remind people. I've never shown an interest in girls because most girls I meet either end up as dolls or are incredibly annoying...or both, in Miho's case.

I can't remember anything else I really want to rant about...I may do this again sometime. It's fun.

This is Ryou Bakura, out.  



End file.
